Ninja Secrets: Last Jedi Opening Scenes

The following is an excerpt from Star Wars - Episode VIII: The Last Jedi’s opening scene/crawl thanks to a shooting script I managed to obtain. I hope you enjoy it before Disney’s lawyers take it down. Expect more to be posted in the future.

[WARNING: Though things can change from script to screen, this is the shooting script. Thus, if you don’t want spoilers, consider this a SPOILER WARNING]




[Fade In/Out]


[Ext] ACHOO - Day

REY gazes at LUKE, HOLDING out the LIGHTSABER. LUKE stares back, looking super OLD and ragged yet SEXIER than he’s EVER BEEN before. LUKE knows SHIT that REY doesn’t.


LUKE: Who are you??

REY: I’m Rey. I left my home to find you, nickel.

LUKE: Why dafuq you do dat, b? For fuck’s sake, I’m HIDING.

REY: Well dawg, this dead old guy told me the force was real. Then he straight up croaked an I got into a fight with this bitch ass lil punk who could do force shit. Guess what, bro? I can do force shit too! I think I’m like totes a fuckin Jedi.


LUKE: No way. You can’t be Jedi.

REY: The fuck you say?

LUKE: Dawg. I’m the motherfucking LAST Jedi.

CLOSE-UP stays on LUKE for 15 full SECONDS as his OLD FACE looks INTENSE with a subtle GENTLENESS.

[John Williams Theme]



It is a PERIOD of fucking TURMOIL. The whole Galaxy is BUGGING OUT ever since a damn SPACE LASER blew up the whole fuckin PLANET that the REPUBLIC SENATE was ON.


KYLO REN is still being a total BITCH ASS. He’s all SAD and SHIT cuz he he fuckin ATE IT in a LIGHTSABER DUEL against a GIRL. He’s off training to be STRONGER with SNOKE an SHIT.

MEANWHILE, the evil FIRST ORDER is moving forward with their PLANS to be a THINLY VEILED allegory for the NAZIS. They have BEGUN what’s basically a BLITZKRIEG against the REPUBLIC, since it’s basically ALL or NOTHING now that STARKILLER BASE is gone.


GENERAL ORGANA is in this movie and it’s gonna make you SAD. She’s a fucking TREASURE, and I’m getting MISTY just WRITING this, so let’s START the MOVIE


I don’t plan on posting any more than that for now. But depending how much heat I get for this, be prepared to see more and more from this script to drop before the film releases.

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