The following is an excerpt from Star Wars - Episode VIII: The Last Jedi’s opening scene/crawl thanks to a shooting script I managed to obtain. I hope you enjoy it before Disney’s lawyers take it down. Expect more to be posted in the future.

[WARNING: Though things can change from script to screen, this is the shooting script. Thus, if you don’t want spoilers, consider this a SPOILER WARNING]

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ANOTHER SPOILER WARNING

FINAL SPOILER WARNING

[Fade In/Out]

COLD OPEN

[Ext] ACHOO - Day

REY gazes at LUKE, HOLDING out the LIGHTSABER. LUKE stares back, looking super OLD and ragged yet SEXIER than he’s EVER BEEN before. LUKE knows SHIT that REY doesn’t.

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LUKE: Who are you??

REY: I’m Rey. I left my home to find you, nickel.

LUKE: Why dafuq you do dat, b? For fuck’s sake, I’m HIDING.

REY: Well dawg, this dead old guy told me the force was real. Then he straight up croaked an I got into a fight with this bitch ass lil punk who could do force shit. Guess what, bro? I can do force shit too! I think I’m like totes a fuckin Jedi.

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LUKE: No way. You can’t be Jedi.

REY: The fuck you say?

LUKE: Dawg. I’m the motherfucking LAST Jedi.

CLOSE-UP stays on LUKE for 15 full SECONDS as his OLD FACE looks INTENSE with a subtle GENTLENESS.

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[John Williams Theme]

[OPENING CRAWL]

STAR WARS EP. VII

It is a PERIOD of fucking TURMOIL. The whole Galaxy is BUGGING OUT ever since a damn SPACE LASER blew up the whole fuckin PLANET that the REPUBLIC SENATE was ON.

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KYLO REN is still being a total BITCH ASS. He’s all SAD and SHIT cuz he he fuckin ATE IT in a LIGHTSABER DUEL against a GIRL. He’s off training to be STRONGER with SNOKE an SHIT.

MEANWHILE, the evil FIRST ORDER is moving forward with their PLANS to be a THINLY VEILED allegory for the NAZIS. They have BEGUN what’s basically a BLITZKRIEG against the REPUBLIC, since it’s basically ALL or NOTHING now that STARKILLER BASE is gone.

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GENERAL ORGANA is in this movie and it’s gonna make you SAD. She’s a fucking TREASURE, and I’m getting MISTY just WRITING this, so let’s START the MOVIE

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I don’t plan on posting any more than that for now. But depending how much heat I get for this, be prepared to see more and more from this script to drop before the film releases.